Staff Training #4: Bullies and Targets Part II
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Hi Ladies!
\nAlthough some of the information is a bit irrelevant, (for example, we will never ask a counselor to advise a parent to take their child to a psychologist) the video introduced some wonderful concepts.
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\nWhat did you think? -
The part about positive reinforcement seemed very relevant. Not only does the child learn that it feels good to help others, but they also receive attention from a counselor which, as we’ve discussed before, can be very influential on a camper.
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\nSome of the parts seemed a little cheesy, like when the boy was being bullied at the waterfront in the beginning, but the message was still clear. In that particular scenario, I was impressed that the counselor identified the bully’s own strengths in swimming and asked him to teach the younger boy how to swim better. This seemed like a great way to get both parties involved and working together.
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\nI was a little surprised by the recommendation of seeing a counselor, but I see what Sophie said about not having to tell that to parents. I think that could very easily put counselors in an awkward positions. I was also intrigued to see that they called the parent after the child was repeatedly showing aggressive behavior. I’m wondering if this will be relevant at RBC? Overall it was a helpful video. -
I really appreciated this video, because dealing with the aftermath of teasing or bullying is something I do on an almost daily basis at school! Sometimes kids just say mean or innappropriate things to each other, and even if it can still be hurtful. Most of the recommendations were great, and I especially liked the examples where counselors reminded campers of expectations. Just saying “that’s not how we treat each other” is enough to remind campers they can’t get away with acting a certain way, and it reinforces that the expectations are there for a reason!
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\nI loved the part where it explains that its not always possible to determine the “real” bully in a situation. The video gives examples where the person who seems to be the bully was actually the victim, and both people were to blame. Its easy to jump on a kid when you see them do something wrong, or say something wrong without investigating the cause first. After watching the video, I realized how important it is to do that!
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\nI have a feeling we won’t have severe behavioral problems where we need to call a parent (Rockbrook feels like SUCH a warm and happy place!) but its good to know that options is available for us. I agree with Chrissy that some of the scenarios were cheesy, like the lake front example…and honestly I’m not sure a bully would respond so maturely to a counselor’s suggestions. If someone is acting that way I think they’re more likely to be huffy about it, say they’re sorry and not mean it, or fight back a little. In that case, I would take that camper aside away from everyone else and explain expectations and alternatives again. And of course, keep in mind that bullys want to make friends and connections! That way I don’t resort to anger, and focus on being a kind and receptive role model. -
I liked how the video outlined different ways to deal with bullying, instead of immediately turning to punishment. I think it is really important to remind campers of expectations, because like the video said, most bullies are just trying to be social. By reminding the girls of expectations, they will be more likely to recognize for themselves that their actions are bad, and that is more important than just being told.
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\nI also liked the part where it explained that usually both parties are responsible in some way. I have seen that in teenage girls especially, but I know that it is hard to not jump on a kid who seems to be doing something wrong. That will be something that I myself will look out for specifically at camp. -
I thought that this video helped connect the pieces of the last video. In this one, i liked how they used a lot of examples to clearly define all the situations that we, as young leaders, will probably face here (hopefully not) and in the future. i liked how they went back and revealed who the real bully was, because everything is not what we seem. There might be a different story to it. I agree with Greer that bullies are just like us: they want to fit in. I think that by encouraging good behavior, their bullying will slowly diminish. The part about the bystanders and upstanders applies to everyday life. So often, we witness bullying and sometimes we don’t manage to say something. Here, we have a voice to say so because we are defending what behavior is right and what is wrong. I thought this video was enlightening.
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Great video. I have handled bullying before in previous programs, and I know exactly what they mean when they indicate that the first instinct of a leader would be to ask what happened, or to take sides. You will NEVER find out the whole story, and sometimes kids around you will jump in and try to get you to take sides. It’s important to reinforce the expectations that were given on day 1, and doing this is more effective than we think.
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With two younger brothers, I understand how challenging it is to try and get to the bottom of an incident if you don’t see the whole thing, and even then it is very difficult. I like that the emphasis is on working with both parties, not just one or the other. I feel like that could help prevent any revenge bullying and break the cycle. I also liked the suggestion of using skits to help outline better interactions. I know it is pretty cheesy, but it can be a great way to start a conversation about behavioral expectations.
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This video was definitely high on the cheese factor, but brought up some good points! My favorite part was the third step: to reinforce good behavior. Being the psychology nerd that I am, I definitely believe in behaviorism. If you only give kids attention when they are acting badly, they’ll do bad things just to get some kind of attention…. even if it’s negative attention. It’s sooo important to be present with the girls to give them props for being a great friend. I don’t know if we’re still doing these this year, but one of my favorite things about being line head a few years ago was getting to give out the bend-a-back bracelets. This was a way for us to share a great thing about one camper that she did with the rest of the line. Examples include helping with an activity, helping clean up, or consoling a friend who needed it. Definitely a great thing to do with girls of any age!
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I thought the video had some good ideas about how to handle bullying, as well as some tips that I would change a bit. I appreciate the idea about talking about bullying one of the first days to set a standard, then if you witness bullying, you can reference the talk you had with the campers. I don’t think that this would be as effective if used like in the video when the counselor told the girls they should include the girl in the next round. This could be embarrassing for the girl that is left out and have the group resenting her. If possible, I would go with the girl and ask if we could both play, allowing my presence to be there and possibly mentioning that the girl that was left out is particularly good at a certain skill required of the game. I thought the video made a great point about not always understanding the entire bullying situation, as shown in the tennis section. I think drawing attention to the fact that gossiping, leaving other girls out, etc can be bullying will help girls realize that bullying is much more than pushing others around physically.
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I really liked the part where they pointed out that we should praise children for doing good things. I think it is one of those things that seems so “duh” that we often over-look it, so it was a pleasant reminder to make sure we are praising and not disciplining.
\nI also liked the part where it said that we often can’t tell who started to situation to begin with; that is something I never thought about. When you look up and see someone bullying soneone else you don’t really think that maybe the other kid is the bully and this one is just retaliating. That was nice to kind of think about.
\nI liked this video, although I can’t help but think of how relevant some of the situations are, and it seemed helpful in dealing with “what to do after”; which is something I personally never gave much thought to. -
I agree that giving lots of options for dealing with bullying was a major strength of this video. I think praise is really important, and although it was definitely cheesy, I liked the examples of redirection of behavior – like the scene at the lake.
\nI also liked the emphasis on referring to rules stated earlier. I think accountability is really important. I think it is vital to say what I mean and do what I say. If I explain why we don’t bully, I want to follow up. I want my campers to see that I’m serious about how we treat others.
\nI think the point Ashley made about possibly embarassing the camper by “requiring” that she be allowed to play in the next round was important. I’ve had a lot of issues dealing with that in the afterschool program I work in. Its difficult because I, and my coworkers, know that one girl is being excluded, she knows it, the other girls know it too, but even with parent talks and talks with the girls they don’t stop and its really hard to see. I’m hoping we don’t have many issues with this, but if anyone has ideas for how to help a girl “save face” but still work toward inclusion, I’d LOVE to hear them! -
I think that one of the most important points about this video was that when we’re mediating a situation, we may never find out what exactly happen. It’s important not to take sides or place blame on any one person, but to try to encourage positive social interaction between the girls.
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I thought this video was very helpful. I like that they encourage talking to both participants in a bullying situation and reminding the kids about the rules set during orientation. Having worked with kids many times before, I have seen that often times, once kids realize an adult is aware, they feel badly about how they acted and will change their behavior.
\nI also liked that it reminded us that bullies are targets too, and we don’t always see the whole situation. It is definitely important to discuss the correct behaviors with both parties. I also like that they use positive reinforcement. Many kids will perpetuate negative behavior if they feel that is the only time they are given attention by their counselors. -
I found it a bit strange that the majority of the negative bullying occurred between boys, and the positive reinforcement scene was with girls. I know that sometimes boys are more likely to turn to violence or physical behaviors to deal with certain situations, girls are just as likely to be bullies as boys are. Just because girls generally deal in a more verbal way doesn’t mean that they are not having the same feelings. I liked the connection between this video and the other bullying video. I felt that all the ideas were tied together, and that between the two videos I now have a much stronger idea of how to deal with bullying when, and if, I encounter it.
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One thing I’m definitely going to keep in mind is not taking any conflict at face value, since I won’t have seen the whole thing. It’s important not to take sides because we don’t know the full story, and the tennis court scene was a good reminder of that. I’m also glad that they included the card-playing scene, because this subtle sort of exclusion and hurt-feelings bullying is what I feel like we see more with girls than outright insults or shoving. In a way, it can also be harder to intervene in. But I think that bith the video’s suggestions and your suggestions are all good ideas. I like Ashley’s idea of asking if both you and the girl could play.
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This video touched on a lot of important points. Praising for good behavior, emphasizing on the importance of respecting others, and not taking sides are all vital in helping to prevent bullying from happening.
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\nHowever, I noticed that the bullies in the examples were always quick to apologize and realize that they were wrong. A lot of the time, bullies probably wouldn’t act so mature after being reprimanded for their actions.
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\nHopefully there won’t be any instances of parents being called. I feel like the camp should do anything they can to stop aggressive behavior before calling the parents. Although its important for the parents to be aware of anything serious, I feel that it’s the camp’s responsibility to take care of the situation as long as they are in charge of the camper. -
I really enjoyed this video, and it made me think because I know that my first instinct would be to take a side, and try to stand up for that child. It’s really important to remember that not everything as is it first seems, as the video showed really well.
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\nI also really enjoyed the idea of upstanding, because so often people will just stand idly by as bullying goes on, so it is awesome to encourage the campers to stand up for each other.
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\nAlso, the first upstander is reading an Ironman comic, and that is awesome. -
I liked how both of these videos connected these linked ideas or preventing bullying and intervening in instances of bullying. I definitely agree that you probably won’t ever get the full story in an instance of bullying, and that there’s a good chance that it wasn’t all one sided. From personal experiences, nothing is ever completely one person’s fault, and I’ll need to remember that. I also liked the concept of upstanding. It’s such a hard thing to do, and I hope the girls at camp will feel empowered enough to take charge and stop actions that they think are unfair, even if they’re not the target or not involved.
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Hey everyone! I was just checking over some of my stuff before I head out when I realized that I never participated on this forum. I could have sworn that I had. So sorry, my mistake.
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\nI liked how this video really stressed teaching and praise over punishment. Punishment rarely teaches a child what they did wrong and what they could have done better. As we all know from working with children, kids hate to hear no. Often times when kids hear a phrase like “No _____!” or “Don’t do that!” they immediately become upset and defensive. At Rockbrook, we’re trying to teach the girls positive decision making. It’s important that we provide them with the pro-social alternatives to what they did, so that they know in the future what they CAN do and opposed to what they CAN’T. Also, praise is a great tool for reinforcing that good behavior. Genuine praise for good behavior provides a camper with confidence in her actions, instead of the shame and self-doubt that comes from punishment.
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