Discussion #2: Who do you work for, really?
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This is an interesting question. At the end of the day, we, as staff members at RBC, work for the parents of our campers (and as a side note, they pay more to send their daughter here per day than they would to take her to Disney World because they know that what she will experience here will benefit her the rest of her life!). When facing a difficult situation this summer, good questions to ask yourself are, “What would the parents do and what would they expect out of someone watching their child?” Would they let their daughter jump off the top bunk? Would they make sure she brushed her teeth?!
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\nHere is an article written by a well-known leader in the camping industry who is also a parent. It really hits home just how important your role is as the direct caregiver to campers. Read it and post a comment – perhaps a point stuck out to you, or you have a story you’d like to share!\n
\n A Letter to My Child’s Staff Person . . .by Michael Brandwein
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\nHow strange it is that I’ve never met you and in a few days you will become the most important person in my life. I suppose you’ve been told that already: “These are other people’s children — their most cherished loved ones; they’d actually give up their own life before they would let anything terrible happen to them . . . ,” etc., etc. But I hope that you don’t think it’s strange if I take a few moments to write down a few things that I would want you to know. Oh, sure, there are those official camp forms where I can tell you that my son or daughter is allergic to a rare kind of wallpaper paste, loves volleyball but not when it’s cloudy {please keep an eye out for that}, or has promised the parole officer not to set any more of the big fires.
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\nI wanted to take a few extra moments to tell you some things that don’t really belong on a form. I’ve been thinking a lot the last few days about baby-sitters. Whenever I hire one to look after my child, I interview them. I have the chance to meet them, ask them things, and watch how they interact and play with my child and how my child responds to them. I can personally talk to people for whom they’ve worked before. And I’ve thought about school: I get to meet the teacher before it starts.
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\nBut when a parent sends their child to camp, odds are they’ve never met the people who will stand in the parent’s place. If I understand right, at some camps you don’t even know the counselor’s name until camp actually begins. I just wanted to tell you that all of this is scary. Please don’t be insulted. I trust the director who hired you and would never think of sending my child unless I did. If the director trusts you, then I trust you. But I know that the director is not going to be taking care of my child personally. You are.
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\nAnd I just wanted you to know what an extraordinary act of faith it is for me to put my child into your arms. Please hold my child carefully. I’m sending my child with all of the things that the camp letter said to include. I feel absolutely certain that I’ve forgotten something and I have this fear that my child will be the only one
\nwithout it, whatever it is.
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\nI can still remember when my little brother and I went to sleep-over camp in Wisconsin. Our second summer we showed up for only the second four week session. We didn’t know that no one did that, and that we’d be walking into a place where everyone already knew everyone else. We showed up proudly wearing our official camp T-shirts, the only kind we’d brought. Unfortunately, no one had told us that these shirts, which were considered the height of coolness
\nour first summer, had been declared the depths of dorkiness for the second summer. When we arrived it was dark. I remember being very grateful for that. Everyone was in the dining hall watching a movie, so we snuck into a corner, away from the stares. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so alone.
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\nAnd then I remember the first counselor who smiled at me. Who asked me lots of questions about what I liked to do. Who really listened without interrupting or correcting. I must have talked for three or four minutes with him just smiling and nodding at me. I kept waiting for him to interrupt or something. Four minutes! That was a personal record. It had never happened at home. I liked it. I liked it a lot.
\nAnd then the box of regular, ordinary, no dorky-logo shirts arrived in an emergency package from mom and dad. Things got much better after that . . . .
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\nThere were a few other things I wanted to tell you: I don’t expect you to be perfect. Heaven knows I’m not. With any luck, maybe heaven doesn’t know . . . . I’ve brought my child up the best way I know how and I know I’ve made mistakes. I keep trying to learn how to do it better, and just when I think I’ve got this parenting thing down, my child grows older, changes considerably, and sends me back to the drawing board to figure it all out again.
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\nBut I have learned one thing: if you don’t know, ask. Read. Watch others. Invite help. I have a lot of good friends who I talk to all the time about raising my child. I’d hate to think you were suddenly trying to do this on your own when I can’t do that myself. Please know that my child is not perfect either. I’m hoping that you will forgive just as you would like to be forgiven yourself, and that when my child does something that isn’t right, that you will focus on helping to show what should be done better the next time.
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\nIn other words, just treat my child exactly as you will want to be treated if you mess up. I know you’ve got a lot of children to take care of. They are all important. I hope very much that you find something special about mine. I don’t mean better. I just mean something unique that sets my child apart as a valuable individual.
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\nYou see, I love my child very much. And I tell my child that every day. But the problem is that I’ve raised a reasonably smart child who figures that it’s my job to say “you’re smart” and “you look great” and “people really think you’re terrific.” From time to time my child must wonder if I say these things because they’re really true or because I’m supposed to say them.
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\nWouldn’t it be great if my child met you, a complete stranger, and you discovered valuable things in my child all on your own? See, if YOU find and talk about these positive things, my child can say, “Hey, people notice that I’ve got good things inside of me. I guess maybe I do . . . .”
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\nSo I’ve sort of ended where I began: talking about strangers. Ironically, the very fact that you are a stranger to my child gives you, in some ways, even more power than I have.
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\nAnd one final thing: sometimes when I write my thoughts down I understand them better. When I started writing this letter I didn’t really see this, but I do now: It just occurred to me: If you care for my child with love and patience and skill, then you’re no stranger. You’ve suddenly become my most important friend in the world.
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\nThank you, friend. Have a most wonderful summer!
\nA Child’s Grateful Parent
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\nAdapted from Training Terrific Staff, Michael Brandwein © 1996, 1999 by Michael Brandwein / All Rights Reserved
\nIndividual camps may copy and distribute this to their staff, but only if the copyright notice in this box is included in its entirety.
\nAny other reproduction or use requires permission of the author, at 5 Coventry Lane / Lincolnshire, IL 60069 / 847-940-9820 / michaelbrandwein.com
\nThank you! -
I really liked what he said about how much it affected him when that counselor actually listened to him and let him talk without interruption–I remember how much that stood out to me too, my first time at camp. I have three older sisters that were around my counselors ages when I first went to RBC as a junior, and I sort of assumed that my relationship with my counselors would be the same as with my sisters. I love my sisters more than anything, but we’ve always been pretty sassy and sarcastic with one another, which, when you’re nine, doesn’t really allow for great communication. I was used to having everything I said laughed away or ignored, so imagine my surprise when I was suddenly surrounded by older girls that actually seemed to care about my opinion. They wanted my input on skits; they wanted to hear about why I loved softball, and why I hated basketball; they would ask about my day and really take an interest in its ups and downs. I think that’s a huge part of what makes camp so adventurous for kids: yes, you get to experience all the most wonderful parts of childhood all in one place, but you also get a glimpse into the adult life that lies just a few summers away. You get to make your own decisions about what you do with your day, and you get to learn to see merit in your own thoughts and opinions, when they might ordinarily be discounted at home.
\nSorry to harp on about this forever, but I guess I just think that actually listening to the campers is the most important part of the camper-counselor relationship… I know it affected me, and I’m sure it affected others in just the same way. -
I appreciated the part about how much more uplifting a positive comment can be coming from someone the child doesn’t feel HAS to complement them. Finding something special in each camper isn’t hard to do, and to tell them can give them the best feeling in the world. I know that when my parents complimented me about school or a play when I was younger, I scoffed, blushed and refused to believe their complement, but when someone new and exciting said the exact same words, I felt incredible. We’re able to give this fabulous gift to each of our campers over the summer!
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I really love this letter (I feel like we read it during orientation?). One thing that struck me was the talk of strangers. It really is true, the parents have never met us, and almost instantly we are forcing them to depart with their most valuable possession. My first year as a counselor, I had a camper whose parents seemed very nervous about leaving their daughter with me (I was only 18 at the time) for 2 whole weeks. We must have gone over their daughter’s special eating habits, intensive need for bugspary, suncscreen, vitamins, a hundred times. But I stuck with them, and tried my best to make them feel better. The first mommy letter I wrote home to them, I specifically addressed every topic they had gone over with me. The campers parents couldn’t have seen more satisfied when they picked up their daughter.
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\nNot only do these parents now sign their daughter up for camp early every summer, but they specifically seek me out each opening and closing day to see how I am doing, and they always thank me for taking care of their daughter that summer ago. -
Because it is my first time as a camp counselor and my first time at a sleep away camp the two things that stuck out the most were that “they don’t expect you to be perfect” and “if you don’t know, ask”. I know that I will mess up sometimes and I know that there will be times when I will be like “what are we doing again?” (Hopefully not a lot). However, I know that I have an awesome team to work with this summer. I will be able to watch and learn or ask questions. Also I know that no one is perfect, but having those non perfect moments is what helps you learn throughout life. Every child has non-perfect moments and knowing that seems like it would help a lot. If a child makes a mistake, focusing on them doing things better next time seems to be the key.
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I really liked the part where the author writes about how “If I understand right, at some camps you don’t even know the counselor’s name until camp actually begins. I just wanted to tell you that all of this is scary.” As a camper I was always excited to find out who my counselor, but I can remember when I was a junior back in 2000 (feels like a long time ago). Now I am a counselor and I am responsible for campers for four weeks. I found it really interesting to see it from a parent’s prespective.
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This letter really put camp counseling in perspective to me. I have really been only thinking about how fun it is going to be and how excited I am to meet all of the kids, but I never really thought about it from the parents side before. The whole letter really makes me want to do the best I can but as it said, no one is perfect. I think that is the most important piece of information to remember because if you try to be perfect, you will end up putting so much more stress on yourself. I think it is important to just listen to the child, as the letter said, because if all you need to do is listen to someone to figure out what they want and need, your job can be made so much more rewarding. I feel like now if I can just make at least one child feel special that I have done my job.
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What a great letter! Since I have never been to camp/worked at camp, I hadn’t thought about how the parents of campers must be feeling now as camp looms closer. I really want their children to be able to say at the end of their session, “Mom/Dad! Miss so-and-so took care of me like you do!” What’s important to the parents needs to be important to us as counselors, and I will definitely try to remember to keep that in mind everyday at camp.
\nI also liked the part where it talked about how kids know that their parents will always complement them, but it means something totally different when a “stranger” say it. I want my campers to feel like they are the coolest most awesome group, but at the same time it needs to stay genuine so they know I truly think they’re special and great! -
This is something I have been thinking a lot about in preparing to be a camp counselor for the first time. I have had a lot of experience with children and even just babysitting a child regularly they will pick up the same behaviors and attitudes towards life as I do as their role model. I can only imagine how much influence we will have on these girls as we are their sole caregiver for an extended period of time. I know my camp counselors always had a great impact on how I viewed my world and I love the part about how the campers’ parents are not expecting us to be perfect but just do the best we can and they realize mistakes will happen. I am left with some nerves about the HUGE responsibility I will have, but yet a grounded calmness in knowing that were are also seen as imperfect humans.
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